2000 Wives: Why Polygamy is the World's Most Destructive Idea

Throughout history, societies have experimented with a variety of marital arrangements. In "traditional" societies, polygyny is often practiced. Polygyny exists when one man marries multiple women. This arrangement may well be the most destructive concept in the world.

Yes. Really.

When the Sultan has 2,000 wives and 10,000 concubines, that leaves somewhat less potential lovin' for your average "Yusef Sixpack". Obviously once the Grand Vizier and each of the Sultan's 800 sons gets his 80 wives and 200 concubines, that leaves a great number of men left wanting some action. The men who lose out will inevitably be the less powerful, poorer men without family connections. In order for the powerful men to protect their flocks of wives from their horny subjects, some system is needed. Ladies and Gentlemen, meet organized religion.

Yeah, teach them that sex is unclean and immoral. Women are dirty, dangerous temptresses--vaginas are the devil's playthings.

As the Jesuits said, "Get 'em while they're young and anything is possible."

Look at the state of Islam today. Why are the terrorists (mostly young men) so reckless with their lives? Because their lives suck. Hard. They aren't allowed to have sex. Which wouldn't be so bad, but they aren't allowed to masturbate either. They aren't even allowed to drink away their desires: alcohol is strictly forbidden. Add to this the fact that they are drilled in absurd fanatical madrassas, and taught to memorize the ridiculous bullshit of an illiterate 7th century Arab merchant, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Remember, when you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose. These are prepackaged, dangerous sociopaths: just aim and fire.

Unfortunately for us in the rich, and happy, and lucky West, all that angst and rage is being expertly aimed at us by Al Qaeda and their fellow travelers. I maintain that our best defense against this reckless hate is not guns or bombs. Our wonderful, vibrant, shiny, sexy culture is our greatest (ahem) asset.

Remember, every possible convert won over to our side by Baywatch and baseball, by Friends and Family Guy, is more than canceled out by dropping bombs and invading countries.